We Could've Danced
by Allison T
Summary: Spike recalls Buffy's funeral and what happened afterwards.


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**Title: **We Could've Danced

**Author:** Allison, candygurl2614@yahoo.com

**Rating:** PG-13 (language)

**Feedback:** Good or bad? Let me know.

**Summary:** Post- Season 5. Spike's POV. That's all I can say.

**Disclaimer: **They're Joss Whedon's. Just borrowing.

The funeral was awful. Probably because I wasn't there. 

I would've been except it was like 3 in the afternoon. It was really sunny out too. 

Appropriate really. She was the light in many people's lives. God I sound like a bloody movie star lovesick over his dead girlfriend.

I wish she had been my girlfriend.

Anyway, as I heard everyone had been there. The Poofter… even Captain Commando came from South America or wherever he had run off too. Her dad even showed up. Halfway through the ceremony his cell phone rang and he was in his car talking the rest of the time. 

HOW could he not show some BLOODY respect for his only daughter? Well, Little Bit's his daughter too.. but you know. I had half a mind to blow his bleedin' head off after Dawn told me this, but I didn't because a bad dad is better than no dad for the Nibblet.

Afterwards everyone went back to the Scooby's stupid shop, where I already was. Giles got a ladder and went up high on some bookshelf (and hung himself, I wish) and got a small cardboard box down.

"Everyone… Buffy wrote these letters knowing that someday she would pass away."

I looked around while everyone who was there got a letter. But me. Of course. It was expected. I didn't mean shit to her.

The letters were all there written in that girly handwriting in blue ink. Riley. Angel. Willow. Xander. Anya. Giles. Dawn. Tara. Dad. 

Bloody hell. I've seen more of her than her dad has, but did I get a letter? Noo.. no letter for Spike. He's Eeevil.

It hurt a lot you know. More than I'd like to admit. Saving her life and the Nibblet's uncountable times. Okay, maybe just a few.

I didn't ask to see any of their letters. Couldn't stand it. Besides, they wouldn't have let me anyway. Buffy had been the only one that was slightly my friend.

After about a minute Red started crying again. God, they're like sodding babies. One cries and they all do. I got out of there as soon as the sun went down.

Went over to look at her gravestone. First time that I'd seen it. I think that was when I broke down. 

The tears started coming and I couldn't stop them. I loved her more than my unlife. I would have died a thousand times over just so she could live a moment longer. 

Blood tears all over her gravestone. Recall I swiped them off with my coat. She'd had enough blood in her lifetime.

When I got back to the magic shop I had to break in like that time I did with Nibblet. Buffy got so pissed at me for that. I yelled at her as usual. Why did I do so many bleeding horrible things to her? Why did I make her life harder than it already was?

The cardboard box was sitting on the table where the Watcher had left it. 

"BITCH!" I screamed as I threw the whole box into one of the bookcases. She didn't give a fuck about me. Why did I care so bleeding much for her?

Slip of white paper fell out of the box onto the ground. Huh. She did write me a letter. 

Spike, said the front of the envelope. Must have been hidden beneath one of the folds of the cardboard. Red ink. She wrote this one at a different time than the other ones. I tore it open. 

Spike,

Would you guess that I don't know what to write? You've been there at all of my hard times. Whether you were causing them or helping me out. You've helped me with Dawn and my mother in so many ways. I know I never said this in person but, thank you. Thank you for caring enough to stay. To help me. 

You're still the only one that can protect Dawn. I know you will. Help Giles get custody of her. She doesn't need to be in a family with my father who loves her but doesn't care enough to give her to someone who could pay more attention to her.

Spike, I want you know that I do love you. But I don't think it's the kind of love that you wanted from me. Be there for Dawn. She considers you one of her best friends. Don't think I gave her that idea. Also, be kind to my friends. More specifically: Xander, Riley and Angel. 

I think the reason neither of us could kill each other is because we were both the best. Sometimes I think I even enjoyed fighting with you. 

Love,

Buffy

P.S. I wish we could've danced.

Too late for that. The Slayer danced her whole life. That's all her life was. She danced with every breath she took and every word she spoke. A long dance in the greater scheme of things. But Buffy was right. I wish we could've danced too.


End file.
